An Old-Fashioned Rant

So Recently my bank went through a security update and I had to re-invent my online security check-in info. This is pretty common and we're all familiar with the drill, but I think they stepped over a line with me this time. I used to having silly rules about password construction. 8-16 characters, a symbol and a number, can't beyour username, can't be be an actual word in any known language: ie can't be easy to remember. Maybe I'm behind here, but they also went out and put the same ridiculous rules on my username. Seriously? I can't just use My Name as My Username? Really? Come on. Then to top it off there wasn't a good variety of ID questions to prove my identity with if I happen to forget either of these two highly forgettable pieces of data. There was no "Father's middle name", "Elementary school mascot", "most embarrassing moment of junior high" options that a person could never actually forget, but things like "favorite Sex and the City episode", "favorite actor", "most despised Survivor winner". What happens if someone isn't totally obsessed with pop culture? If we're going to try to get more specific about a person's interests why not have some reasonable options like "favorite ski run?" easy: Gadzooks (good run, better name, great in powder), "Least favorite book of all time?" easy: Tale of Two Cities, "Favorite Soda?" also easy: Indian tonic with lime... What? no: Dr. Pepper (of course).

Also the traditional password verifcation questions are things that identify you that you have no choice or say in. Mother's maiden name, Father's middle name, elementary school, alma mater's mascot. While the questions from this last go around were all personal preferences. Thinking about it I prefer things I can't change because then I can't get confused. Personal tastes change often, at least mine do, because they don't define me I define them. The one's like "Mother's maiden name" and "most embarrassing moment in junior high" (also painfully easy: throwing up in the middle of a presentation with Holly Farrar standing right next to me in 7th grade Tecas History class) define me whether I like it or not. Seriously I think the question choice my bank uses says something about the people developing the system. Something not flattering in my opinion.

The bottom line is I can't log into my account because I have no idea what any of my information is, I can't call the bank because they're only open from 10:30 to 2:45 on odd numbered Tuesdays, and I can't pay my bills because, in an effort to save a miniscule amount of paper and fuel, they electronically go to my online bank account home rather than in paper form to me. Genius move on my part.

The thing that gets me is my bank is a University Credit Union with like 4 branches confined to 2 counties in a small midwestern state. How secure does the system need to be? Shouldn't the bank worry more about how much it's executives are being overpaid, or really thinking hard about how poorly equipped to repay that million dollar house loan that part time Chili's waitress is? I understand there's lots of money at stake and a small portion of it is mine, but one of the three ID checkpoints needs to have enough flexibility to make the system usable.